I, man

  “People, ideas, hardware — in that order.” — Colonel John Boyd To be fair, this post isn’t actually about the importance of people — even though the quote suggests it. Instead, I’m talking about a decision-making model created by the same man (and truthfully, it’s much more than “just” a decision-making model, but let’s keep it simple for now). To stay effective on my own path, I’ve been using the OODA Loop — especially for those moments when “life” throws itself into my plans and tries to knock me off track. OODA helps me reset fast, regain clarity, and avoid drowning in the noise that covers all of us daily. So what is the OODA Loop? Put bluntly, it’s a decision cycle created by the legendary U.S. fighter pilot, strategist, and one of the architects behind the victory in the first Gulf War — Colonel John Richard Boyd . Each letter represents a specific action: O — Observe: Gather all information available. See and sense the environment (the “battlefield”) before the ba...

  “Emotional maturity is the ability to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change what you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” — Nelson Mandela Defining emotional maturity might make this post half as long, but let’s take a deeper look. Simply put, it’s a sign of being “grown-up,” but I want to explore it more broadly. To be fully honest, I’ve spent my conscious life dealing with triggers — emotional triggers. As a young man, I didn’t understand these moments and often blamed my temperament, which only made things harder. But temperament is no excuse. When I was younger, a little teasing or disrespect could spark an emotional explosion and conflict. Over time, I learned to control my emotions better and respond verbally with skill. Yet until recently, I didn’t fully understand the mechanics of it — I was merely adapting to my reactions, conflicts, and emotional storms. What drove me to dig deeper was the realization that even when I responded to provocatio...

  “Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” — Thomas Jefferson Thomas Jefferson, one of the authors of the U.S. Declaration of Independence and a founding father of the United States, was undeniably wise when he put honesty at the foundation of life. Throughout my life, I’ve tried to be as honest with others as possible — because it simply makes life easier. Often, I was brutally honest, without any filter, in every shade of honesty. It wasn’t always a good idea, and I paid the price for it. I clearly remember the faces of my parents and other adults when my childish mouth said something unexpectedly embarrassing. What should I have done then? Lie? Lying comes with different motives: protecting ourselves or others from the consequences of truth, or selfish reasons like shaping our image or manipulating a situation. Broadly speaking, lying is an evolutionary “tool” for achieving goals. Across different eras and cultures, lies are treated very differently, but generall...

  “Discipline is doing what you hate to do, but doing it like you love it.” — Mike Tyson Once we take responsibility for our lives and set a goal, there’s nothing left but to take action. We are motivated, and we believe we can succeed. If it were really that simple, the world would be full of successful people. But fortunately (or unfortunately), it’s not. According to multiple studies, less than 10% of people actually achieve their dreams. That means if ten people are in a room, it’s likely that none of them are truly living the life they want. Why do so few succeed? Often, it’s because the goal is too big. People run out of steam before reaching the point where tangible results appear. They fail to break a large goal into smaller milestones. Sometimes people don’t even know exactly what they want — wealth and fame usually come as a byproduct of significant work, yet often there’s no clear plan behind the desire. Fear of change kills many dreams, as does the unwillingness to s...

  A man without a goal is like a ship without a rudder.” In short, it means he drifts through life like a ship carried by waves, wind, storms, and whatever external forces come his way. Sometimes these forces push him into calm waters, but other times into rough seas, and at worst, onto rocks or shallow reefs. A man without purpose often ends up fulfilling the goals of other men — and that was one of the most painful awakenings in my life. I don’t remember exactly when I first heard this line or when I first thought about it, but I remember the emotion. It was both paralyzing and awakening. The realization that I had spent years working dutifully at someone else’s job, so that someone else could live their dream, pushed me down as a man. “I’m someone else’s damn tool!” ran through my head repeatedly, every time I felt dissatisfied or was given more obligations. It took time, but I started climbing out, step by step, from the self-built hamster wheel of work — what we often call...

“Every boy has a moment in life when he realizes no one is coming to save him — and in that moment, he becomes a man.” I first heard this from American entrepreneur and philanthropist Alex Hormozi. That stoic description of a young man’s turning point is one of the most compelling ideas I’ve ever encountered about what it truly means to become a man. We all have moments when we are financially broken, injured, in danger, or completely helpless — and in that instant, we realize that no one is coming to help us like we are used to. That realization can be terrifying. For some, it’s paralyzing, panic-inducing even. The thought that not your mother, your father, the state, your friends, or anyone else is going to come to your rescue can hit so hard it can change a person forever. And yet, this is exactly the moment every young man should experience. As boys, we expect someone to step in when trouble arises. Someone calls the police if we’ve gone too far in an adventure. Someone intervenes ...

  My name is Arvet. I’m a 42‑year‑old family man — a husband, trainer, consultant, mentor, leader, athlete, volunteer, martial arts practitioner, member of the Defence League, a military veteran… and probably a dozen other things. I’ve carried a lot of roles in my life, and every single one of them chipped away at the stone until I became who I am today. Only in the last decade did I really understand that I’ll never be “finished.” Our lives are always in motion — a pattern of endless paths and possibilities — and that movement shapes us into whoever we choose to become. Nothing in this world truly limits us. We build most limits in our own heads. I’m not going to serve you another syrupy childhood story about how hard it all was, or how everything fell apart when my father left. I’m also not here to dramatize how I’ve crossed paths with both killers and holy men. None of that is the point. What matters is this: I have something to give back. That’s why I’ve decided to document...

  I’ve been thinking for years—maybe even decades—about one question: what does it mean to be a man? I haven’t read New York Times bestsellers on “how to become a man.” I haven’t scrolled endlessly through Google searches. I’ve barely listened to a few minutes of podcasts on masculinity—because they didn’t feel real. I wanted to figure it out myself. To discover it firsthand, without someone else telling me what a man should be. When we look at men today, the picture is blurry. In much of Western society, men no longer have a clear role. Women have equal rights and opportunities in every field. Men are no longer expected to be the “head of the household.” And that once-clear path—the one that defined generations—is gone. Now, rewind to 1925, the Estonian Republic. The average man lived in the countryside. He was strong, practical, and capable. He could read, write, and calculate. He probably owned one or two guns—and had likely used them in the War of Independence. He could figh...