i, man

 I’ve been thinking for years—maybe even decades—about one question: what does it mean to be a man?

I haven’t read New York Times bestsellers on “how to become a man.” I haven’t scrolled endlessly through Google searches. I’ve barely listened to a few minutes of podcasts on masculinity—because they didn’t feel real. I wanted to figure it out myself. To discover it firsthand, without someone else telling me what a man should be.

When we look at men today, the picture is blurry. In much of Western society, men no longer have a clear role. Women have equal rights and opportunities in every field. Men are no longer expected to be the “head of the household.” And that once-clear path—the one that defined generations—is gone.

Now, rewind to 1925, the Estonian Republic. The average man lived in the countryside. He was strong, practical, and capable. He could read, write, and calculate. He probably owned one or two guns—and had likely used them in the War of Independence. He could fight when needed, respected God, owned at least one proper suit, and could fix nearly everything around the house himself. This list could go on endlessly. Why? Because he had no other choice.

Most importantly, men had a clear place in society. Their job was simple and unambiguous: put food on the table, keep a safe roof over the family, and, if necessary, defend them with his life. There was no doubt about who he was or what was expected of him. These principles had guided men for centuries—and they worked.

Today, especially in post-Soviet societies, life is different. Many men can no longer provide for a family on their salary alone. Women work to share the burden. So who is the breadwinner? Who guarantees a safe home? Some social movements push gender equality aggressively—sometimes over the top—portraying women as all-capable beings who don’t need men at all. Layer onto that easy access to instant gratification—pornography, social media, junk food, substances—and the result is often men who are physically weak, unskilled, depressed, medicated, low in testosterone, and unsure of themselves.

Paradoxically, we’ve never had more resources for men—self-help books, online courses, clubs, communities. Men are told to be strong, confident, capable. But the reality is often the opposite. Many wander through life like fog, trying new careers, hobbies, gadgets, or endurance challenges—but the clarity never lasts. The fog returns.

Many men today simply don’t know their role anymore. Yet the truth remains simple: a man’s role hasn’t changed over centuries. It’s to provide, to protect, to be a man. The role exists. The question is: how do you step into it? How do you live it today, in a world that distracts, confuses, and sometimes mocks you for trying?

I don’t have all the answers. I’m still searching. This is my journey to understand what it truly means to be a man—to find clarity in chaos, strength in body, mind, and heart. I’m sharing it openly because millions—maybe billions—of men are asking the same question. And maybe, together, we can start finding answers.